The Sex in Mia

Figh Club

2007-03-06T12:05:00.000Z

Last night I was wondering - again - about women and porn. Any woman and any kind of porn - movies, web pages, books, ... And, as usually, I can't seem to understand most women. That disgusted look on their faces, the quick change of subject, the feeling that porn, in those heads, is such a dirty, man and sexual thing that they couldn't possibly like it. I used to think I was the weirdo.

And then... I open my browser and there are hundreds of women out there, near or far, who dare share a different opinion. They like porn, they watch/read porn, they even write porn (or very hard-core erotica, if you prefer, although that doesn't really make a difference in the little women I was talking about). And I can only think: either I don't know my women friends at all or I've been hanging with the wrong crowd!
No, serious. I love them, they are my friends. And maybe that's why I can't believe they would be such hypocrites. Or would they? Because it's easy to reveal yourself through an anonymous blog, it's liberating, even. But face to face, with your friends, do you talk about sex, about your husband, about likes and dislikes? I know I do, but I also know they don't. And can't help but partly blame them for sex remaining an obscure science. Sex is like Fight Club - you don't talk about it outside it. But the worrisome thing is that I bet they don't talk much about it inside it as well.

This reflexion started a year and a half ago (although some of the questions are much much older), when I was with some friends, in a hot summer night. We were at their house, having dinner and drinking a bit. Me and my girl friend got really drunk (which for two girls who rarely drink isn't so hard to do). And we were alone and got to talk, for a bit, about relationships and partners and monotony and we somewhat touched, in a very subtle unspoken way, the subject of sex. I decided (that's probably not the best term for someone as drunk as I was, but oh well...) to show her some of the blogs I read. I don't know what I was thinking, I thought maybe we could openly discuss it or that she could read it and... I honestly don't know. I picked one from our country, so she could read it better and understand that that happened near us. In the blog there were some photos, normal erotic/porn photos and when she saw them she laughed, said that was disgusting and closed the window. And our conversation died right there.
We never talked about it again. But a couple of months ago, in a larger group of friends, she mentioned I had showed it to her, implying what a dirty mind I have.

And I wonder what takes a woman to react like this? To reject any form of explicit sex and calling it disgusting? I confess I have some trouble believing all that is hypocrisy. I think that most of them truly see sex like that and are very repressed. Society still represses open sexuality in a woman: if you like sex so much, then there must be something wrong with you. Because women don't like porn. They don't like to fuck. They don't like anal or doggy-style because it's degrading. And we all know those are all lies. But I believe they are true to most women I know - and they are true because they believe. The social constraints are so embedded in their minds that they take them as absolute trues. They probably don't even test it themselves. And how can you trully know what you like if you don't test it?

I don't have a conclusion about this. All I have is a very big list of questions and another even bigger one of things I know should be different. I just wanted to share and, maybe, if you would care to, know what you think about this. Is your experience with your girl friends similar? Do they watch porn, alone or with their partners? Do they read erotica? Do they enjoy sex? Do they talk about it? Or is Fight Club a worldwide club?

HNT: A beach in paradise

2007-03-01T19:14:00.000Z

.

In my mind, today was Wednesday... I didn't realize it was actually Thursday until I saw Figleaf's photo (check his Real Adult Sex, one of my favourite blogs). I found this one in my old archives and thought it would be nice. It's cold and rainy here, so memories of a beach in paradise are sweet.

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday everyone!

HNT: Mia checking in

2007-02-22T13:45:00.000Z

Dirty little thing called sex

2007-02-21T14:36:00.000Z

A TV series I saw the other day (it's irrelevant which one it was) got me thinking about virginity and first times. I don't know about you, but my first time was messy, unpleasant and not very good at all. If I hadn't had an orgasm before, I would probably have forfeited sex for quite a while.
But the main issue I want to talk about is: why is virginity so over-rated? I mean, yes, it is a big step and yes, it is one that shouldn't be given lightly because it can compromise your future sexual happiness (although I don't really believe in "death sentences" and think we can overcome anything). But sex is a part of life. A needed part of life, not just something we can have if we feel like or not if we don't. The human being is an animal and as such he needs to have sex. Not only to procreate, but because we still have something called sexual instinct.
So, sex is not only part of life, it is normal and natural. If so, why do we build a wall of shame, fear and mystery around it? Why do we advocate virginity as a precious treasure that should be handed only when the time is right and the right person is found? I don't even think these things exist! Waiting for the right time and person can keep you waiting all your life. It's never the right time and you can't ever know, for sure, if that's the right person.

I have to say I don't mean with all this that teenagers (or kids) should go around and have sex as soon as possible and with the first person that comes along. I do think the loss of virginity is an important issue and an important event, mostly because first times always are. And also because it doesn't hurt as much or matters as much that it sucked if it happened with someone you love. But I also think that parents should play a different role: they should educate. Teach their children about sex and about its implications - the physical and the emotional ones. Teach about condoms, the pill, the pain, the orgasm. But they should also explain how wonderful it is to feel connected to another person. And allow their kids to have sex in the privacy and safety of their bedrooms. They will have it anyway, so why not make it safe? And they should let them know that they can come back and ask anything they want to know, anytime. Sex should be as easy to discuss as last night's match or next week's party. It should be natural.
Then why isn't it? That's easy: because it's sex. Because society still thinks it is dirty and messy and shameful and private. Because sexual education still belongs to the parents and if they don't want to do it, no one will. Because we teach our youngsters that sex should be kept hidden and never discussed. Because we perpetuate this bunker where we hide and lock sex, occasionally spying on it with our secret little cameras. And, by doing this, we allow kids to think sex is what they see on tv, porn movies or the internet. Which one is better: kids having sex earlier, safe and responsibly, or kids who remain virgins until 18 but are clueless about what sex really is? I don't know about you, but I would pick the first. Just hope I can do that with my own kids. When and if I have them.

Working...

2007-02-16T12:24:00.000Z

And with so much sex around, any and everywhere...

...how come can't I have it when I want it?

Real sex

2007-02-14T12:22:00.000Z

Everybody is having sex, right now. And I don't mean literally, of course (but wouldn't that be interesting). We have sex everywhere - in the subway, in the streets, when we're working, shopping, eating or just strolling. Sex is everywhere. So how can we escape sex, in order to have sex?

I'm not exactly the model type - and I'm sure most of you aren't either. I often wonder how we can compete with the model-type sex that is pushed on us in every outdoor, commercial, magazine, tv-show or web page (and not in the most obvious ones). Everybody is so perfect, so flawless, so beautiful and sensual. What about us? Mere mortals, with bodies full of flaws (big and little), bad morning breath, messy hair and - most of all - huge complexes for not being flawless.
The sex they sell (give, would be more adequate, as we get it even if we don't want it) does not exist. So why do we fall for it and wish, above all things, that we could have that sex? That sex makes real sex even more difficult.

Sex is complicated. It deals with self-esteem, self-efficacy, self-worth. It has to do with us and the way we see ourselves. Sex is one of those enhancing mirrors, where we see all our flaws, even the invisible ones. And all the ghosts of the perfect men and women we see everyday hang around our heads, shadowing us.

Sex is sold as an easy thing - they don't have to try very hard to have the perfect sex, or to have orgasms every time and in a matter of seconds. Outdoor sex does not have sand or bugs or leafs or voyeurs. And indoor sex doesn't get the sheets wet, no need for condoms and the women never loose their bras (which mean men don't have to struggle with them... but who can have sex with a bra on??).
The sex they sell us is perfect. But imperfect sex is more fun. We make mistakes and we laugh together. We struggle with clasps, zippers and buttons. We struggle with condoms or postpone everything because we forgot them. We try awkward positions and give them up because they don't work. We pull each other's hair because it was in the way. We run for the bathroom and wash together in the end. We cuddle and fall asleep and wake up cold because we forgot our pajamas.

Real sex is harder. Much harder. But real sex is better - not only because it's real, but because we have to try harder. It doesn't just happen, there's work involved. If it was so easy as they try to sell it, would it really be as fun as it is?

Real sex is better than perfect sex. We just have to learn to ignore the impossible perfection.

Why yet another sex blog?

2007-02-14T11:46:00.000Z

First, a brief introduction. As I say up there, English is not my native language - so I start by apologizing for any possible mistake or lousy sentence. But I thought I could use the practice, so here I am. Don't want my skills to rust...

Then why the sex? Well, sex is everywhere. Today, more than ever, sex is in every thing we see, do or imagine. Sex is like god - omnipresent and omnipotent. Sex makes us do all sort of crazy things. Sex transforms us - in a good and in a bad way. The human being can't live without sex, that's a fact. But can we live with this much sex? Aren't modern societies trivializing it a bit too much? I wonder...

So, presentations and justifications are done! I hope to see you around...